The Menace

The folling things you should not do.

2008-08-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

Eat Veg,

Like Teachers,

Stamp Collecting,

Flower Pressing,

Enjoy Doing Maths.

How to disguise yourself as a tree!

2008-06-07T12:25:00.000-07:00

This is how to disguise yourself as a tree:

stand up straight and stick your arms out like branches;

paint yourself brown;

stick leaves all over you (even on your bum);

make tree noises (a tree makes a "ooooooooooooeeeeehhhhh" noise)!

This is very good and always works!

your new mission

2008-01-26T00:26:00.000-08:00

Location: school

what to do: place a killer snake or spider maybe a lion if possible in the head teachers office.

what you will need: a wild animal and that's it really.

Top secret Menace mission.

2008-01-20T02:24:00.000-08:00

Mission location: School

Target: Head teacher

Mission description: Place very large and slimy slugs in your head teacher's coffee!

Good luck Menaces, try not to get caught or your head teacher will brutally murder you!

A top secret mission for menaces.

2007-12-23T04:16:00.000-08:00

Mission location : school

what to do : put lots of spiders in teachers desk draw.

your mission if you choose to aceapt it is to place spiders (about 10) in the teachers desk draw with out being court.

this is top secret and will blow up in 3 2.....

Christmas (Hooray!)

2007-12-17T09:42:00.000-08:00

<-- Santa

Merry Christmas to all Menaces and GO AWAY if you are not a Menace. Here is a good Menacing Christmas list!

- Sweets

- More sweets

- Even more sweets (ok, I think you know I like sweets!)

- A car (you are very unlikely to get this!)

- A stink bomb ( you could use it on your teacher!)

- Even, even more sweets ( I really like sweets!)

In case you were wondering Santa really is evil and he really does smoke!

the top 10 things to say when you havent handed in your home work

2007-12-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

10. the dog has eaten it (only works if you have a dog)

9. it was stolen!

8. It is not legal to do home work (OK that one was bad) !

7. I had rabies and I wasn't aloud to do it because I might of infected my homework (well it could work)!

6. I am so clever I don't need home work!

5. I didn't do because I was helping the trees by using less paper.

4. pretend you didn't get any!

3. say you handed it in already!

2. destroy all the home work sheets before he/she hands them out.

1. well the best idea is to run away before the teacher gets angry!

2007-12-16T08:24:00.000-08:00

THIS IS A GREAT MENACING song to sing at Xmas

A good Xmas song to sing!

2007-12-16T08:17:00.000-08:00

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd left her medication,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack.
There were hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.

Grandma go run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now were all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.

It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of pig.
And a blue and silver candle,
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.

I've warned all my friends and neighbours.
Better watch out for yourselves."
They should never give a license,
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

new update on how to really really really annoy people.

2007-12-16T04:48:00.000-08:00

use items like

.rubbers to throw.

.elastic bands.

paper to rip up and throw.

make funny sounds like slurp.

Teachers speak another language!

2007-12-15T23:52:00.000-08:00

<-- Teacher

It has recently been discovered, by the top secret Menacing team of idiots, that teachers speak another language! It is incredibly difficult to undersand and is utterly nonsense, (like everything teachers invent) it is also very difficult to work out, and I can't be bothered to do it, but my Top Secret team of idiots did.

Teachers speak another language. (see, it's nonsense)!

The above writing says: Teachers speak another language.

THE ABOVE PICTURE IS OF A TEACHER, IF YOUR TEACHER DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THIS THEN PHONE UP OUR TOP SECRET TEAM OF AGENTS/ IDIOTS AND HE/SHE WILL BE EXTERMINATED!

top secret!!!!

2007-12-15T23:42:00.000-08:00

hello here are the top 5 things to do at Xmas!

2007-12-15T23:28:00.000-08:00

5. snowball fight (indoors)
4. yodelling (at 5am in the morning)
3. skiing (down the stairs after you have covered it in snow)
2. sledging (using your dad as the sledge)
1. using your freezer to turn the kitchen floor into an all year round ice rink)

2007-12-15T10:47:00.000-08:00

Keep menacing!

2007-12-15T10:29:00.000-08:00

WARNING THIS WEBSITE IS TOP SECRET, ANY ONE WHO IS NOT A MENACE AND IS READING ANY OF THIS TEXT WILL BE DESTROYED!

Things a good Menace shouldn't do!

2007-12-15T10:20:00.000-08:00

Never wear this-->

eat veg!

wear a tu - tu

say nice things to goody goods like ("Oh flowers are so pretty, now let's go stamp collecting!")

wear anything pink!

IF YOU ARE A MENACE AND ARE CAUGHT DISOBEYING THESE RULES YOU WILL BE TERMINATED!

2007-12-15T02:33:00.000-08:00

Cool Menacing weapon -->

Hello to all you menaces out there, remember to keep making trouble!

TROUBLE IS GOOD!

Never forget that making trouble is a good thing!

Merry Christmas to all Menaces

2007-12-13T12:11:00.000-08:00

Santa -->

Merry Christmas to all Menaces, Christmas is the perfect time for a spot of Menacing because everyone is to busy to notice! You can also look forward to a massive load of presents when the day finally arrives. Santa and his elves are also great menaces so watch out; they might play a trick or two on you for Christmas. Here are some great seasonal Menacing tips:

Booby trap some of the presents, this can be incredibly amusing.
Make sure you get an advent calender (maybe you could help yourself to someone else's if you don't get one!)
Give some people fake presents e.g. a barbie for your brother!

SANTA IS VERY OFFENDED BY THE ABOVE PICTURE AND WILL NOT GIVE PRESENTS TO ANYONE CAUGHT READING THIS!

Menacing with your friends.

2007-12-07T08:01:00.000-08:00

Chicken (not a good thing to disguise yourself as)-->

Always Menace in a group, that way you can protect yourselves
against evil beings (teachers, head teachers, goody-goody's). If you are in a group then you are 50% less likely to die at the wrath of these aliens, zombies and idiots. Also, being in a group means you are more likely to get into trouble, but who cares... Not me! Here are some ideas which would help you Menacing in groups.

Disguise yourselves and no one will realise it is your group that is Menacing. (Do not disguise your self as something stupid like a chicken, lamppost..etc).
Never work in a group with a goody-goody, teachers-pet, geek...etc.

Latest update: How to understand your teachers.

2007-12-06T07:56:00.001-08:00

The latest information showed
that teachers looked like this -->
before they came to this planet and
took on the form we know them as.
Teachers are, as you probably know
one of our worst enemy's and it is our
job to rid them of this planet and
send them back to Mars. Here is some
information on understanding your
teachers:

Remember that we are at war against vegetables and that it is our job to annoy them and there allies, goody-goody's.
In the lessons which teachers design to bore you to death try and stay alive by causing mischief.
What ever happens NEVER make friends with a teacher.

IF ANY TEACHERS ARE CAUGHT READING THIS THEY WILL SUFFER AT THE MERCY OF OUR ANTI-TEACHER SQUAD!

Latest update annoying people!

2007-12-06T00:29:00.000-08:00

Annoying people is one of our main purposes on this planet, and one of the main purposes of teachers pets is to be annoyed. So that means we must annoy them as much as we possibly can, without getting into to much 'trouble'. Here are some first-class annoying-people tips:

!enoemos ot egassem a gnitirw era uoy nehw sdrawkcab sgniht etirW
End every sentence you say with the same word/phrase.
Take peoples pencils, rulers...etc away and accuse them of loosing them!

SECRET TRANSLATION! LAZY PEOPLE ONLY, WHO CANOT BE BOTHERED TO WORK OUT THE ABOVE MESSAGE!

Write thing backwards when you are writing a mesage to someone!

Latest update: Do you have what it takes to be a Menace?

2007-12-05T23:50:00.000-08:00

Menaces are very important in our world, as we need them to fight in many wars (for instance the war against Vegetables), but some Menaces aren't true Menaces they are simply goody-goody's who want to be Menaces. This blog is the HQ of Menacing and here is the latest information about how to be a true Menace.

Have many good excuses ready if you get into trouble, here are some which you shouldn't use:

"It was zapped up by aliens!" - when you haven't handed in your homework.
I didn't do it, the invisible man did!" - when your being told off for hitting someone.

Act like a Menace (you've got to hate teachers, vegetables and goody-goody's).
ALWAYS dress like a Menace, NO pink shirts or dresses!

Annoying evil people!

2007-12-05T08:32:00.000-08:00

Some people on this earth are really stupid and everyone hates them e.g. teachers pets, goody-goody's and geeks. It is our job as innocent Menaces to annoy them as much as we can to pay them back for the many thousands of poor children they have probably bored to death. Sometimes the Martian creatures known commonly as teachers can punish us for dong this, they seem to think it's naughty! They're stupider than they look! Here are some TOP SECRET tips on annoying people. They are so top-secret that they are written backwards!:

.esle gnihtemos no etartnecnoc dna srae ruoy tou kcolb ,uoy ot kaeps ot tpmetta yeht nehw meht erongI
!skrow yllaer ti- gnitnuoc era yeht nehw srebmun modnar tuo tuohS

SECRET TRANSLATION! VERY SECRET! DO NOT LOOK!

Ignore them when they attempt to speak to you, block out your ears and concentrate on something else.
Shout out random numbers when they are counting- it really works!

Latest update: The war against vegetables.

2007-12-05T07:57:00.000-08:00

We are currently loosing this violent war to the brutal and bloodthirsty vegetables and their powerful allies the grown-up's! So children of the world, join together and help fight these deadly poisonous creatures, help us to DESTROY them. Of course we are forced be grown-up's to go near, even eat these death-bringing plants so here are some tips-from AVI (anti-vegetable intelligence) on avoiding these brutal monsters.

Mushing up your veg makes it look as if you have eaten it- a handy tip for children who have school dinners.
NEVER go near veg without a gas mask. It's poisonous!
If you see any veg in your fridge dispose of it quickly. ALWAYS remember to use gloves the deadly venom of the Vegetable can spread through your skin.

IF YOU HAVE ANY TROUBLE WITH VEGETABLES CALL IN OUR TEAM OF EXPERTS WHO WILL DISPOSE OF THEM QUICKLY AND CAREFULLY!

The official Menacing Alphabet.

2007-12-04T12:20:00.001-08:00

Do you know your ABC? Here is the Menace alphabet.

A- anti-teacher.

B- bombs

C- catapult

D- death (to goody-goody's)

E- eating sweets

F- farting

G- going on this blog!

H- hating head-teachers

I- ignoring parents

J- jumping on the teachers pet.

K- killing aliens

L- lifting up someone and throwing them.

M- menacing

N- nibbling chocolate

O- official menace

P- "parp!"

Q- There is no Q

R- ruining lessons in school

S- stink bombs

T- throwing stuff

U- underpants

V- vegetable destroying

W- water guns

X- There is no X

Y- yodeling. (yodeling brings avalanches down on people so it kind of a Menace thing)

Z- zapping headteachers

Unfortunately there is no Q or X in the Menacing alphabet.

Top Secret

2007-12-04T12:20:00.000-08:00

Don't forget this website is TOP SECRET!
Don't forget this website is TOP SECRET!
Don't forget this website is TOP SECRET!

Have I got the message across yet?

Get equipped. All the latest Menacing gadgets!

2007-12-04T11:46:00.000-08:00

Being a menace is like being a secret agent, you need gadgets. Menacing has been going on from the stone-age and since then many gadgets have been developed. Never use weapons or any other military equipment on another Menace, this is in-acceptable, it is betraying all Menaces. Here is some Menace stuff:

Water bombs- these are first class menacing weapons and are highly recommended.
Catapults- very good Menacing weapons but a bit old fashioned (all Menaces are fashionable)!
Water Pistols- only good if you get a really powerful one and can be a bit tiring.

If you have any more ideas for super cool menacing weapons please leave a comment.

MENACES ONLY! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT A MENACE!

The war against Vegtables

2007-12-04T10:20:00.000-08:00

Vegetables (also known as Veg) are one of our worst enemies as children. It is our job to do our duty and protect our stomachs from the highly toxic wrath of Veg. Vegetables have the advantage in this violent war because of thier powerful allies; grown-ups. Here are some tips from AVI (Anti-Vegetable Intelligence) on protecting our race from Veg:

Veg is high in deadly substances; vitamins, such as vitamin C. These should be avoided for your own safety.
If you have not eaten your Veg cover it up with your fork or a piece of chicken(not a live chicken)!
Never have a school dinner, they are dangerously high in Vegetables. Don't even go near one, vegetables produce deadly gasses.

WARNING! THIS IS PROPERTY OF THE AVI IF YOU ARE CAUGHT COPYING THIS YOU'LL BE SORRY!

Do you have the knowledge to be a Menace?

2007-12-04T10:04:00.000-08:00

The Earth has a very large amount of goody-goody's and very few Menaces, the aim of this blog is to encourage more people to be menaces before the world is ruled by teachers and goody-goody's; but does everyone have what it takes to be a Menace. This post will tell you whether or not you are a true Menace.

A true Menace is always full of ideas. Such as flicking stuff at teachers, getting out of trouble wth cool exuses...etc.
A true Menace s never friends with goody-goody's or teachers. If you are you may suddenly mutate into one of them!
A Menace must be cool. You can't be a Menace and have long pink hair with pretty bows and a fluffy pink dress. uggh! I hate pink dresses!

WARNING IF YOU ARE A GOODY-GOODY AND ARE CAUGHT READING THIS YOU MAY NOT LIVE MUCH LONGER!

How to get out of trouble

2007-12-04T09:15:00.000-08:00

The following information comes from the top secret base of MI5.

Children are the dominant species of this earth and we want to keep it like this, but unfortunately we suffer-even die- at the wrath of our evil head teachers. This is because some tittle-tattle will tell on us when we are busy menacing. Here is the latest advice-straight from MI5- on keeping out of trouble:

If you are being told off blame someone you don't like (don't blame a teacher)!
Always menace when you are sure nobody is around, unless you have a menacing partner.

WARNING! MI5 WILL DECLARE WAR ON BRITAIN IF YOU ARE CAUGHT READING THIS MESSAGE!

Understanding your teachers

2007-12-04T09:05:00.000-08:00

Teachers come from Mars, they came to earth with a plan to dominate our world and they have nearly succeeded. At all costs we must prevent our teachers from reaching their goal. This means earth is at war and it is our job, as children, to win this war! Here are some top secret battle tips:

Annoy your teacher. This will depress them and stop them making more evil plans for world domination.
Flicking elastic bands and throwing rubbers, rulers...etc will help you survive the long boring hours of school which are organised to starve you to death!

WARNING! THIS TOP-SECRET MESSAGE WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS!

How to understand your parents

2007-12-04T08:54:00.000-08:00

Parents are a completely different species of human. It can be very difficult to understand their strange behaviour, here are some tips on understanding your parents:

Parents are not as intelligent as us children and sometimes will not understand innocent behaviour such as chucking water bombs out of windows.
Parents are here to do everything for you its there purpose in life!
Our job as children is to annoy all grown-ups so we suggest you get started!